Processing
Firstly thanks to everyone for the good wishes. I am at home atm, though back today to see my lovely, though overprotective ob, to see the next plan of attack.
My brain has been swirling since Monday. Before they released me they did my pre-admission just in case my CS date is bought forward, it was something that I had been waiting to do and chance to cleanse my previous experience with Zac.
Birth is such a huge thing. Everyones experiences are different. Although I am blessed that I walked away with a happy and healthy little boy I still carry with me dread of the situation. I guess being at the business end of the pregnancy it is normal to feel the same nervousness and anxiety.
On Monday I asked they to explain why I didn't get to see Zac for 9 hours after the birth (and even then only for 5 mins) and why he was in the SCN. I am sure that they did tell me at the time but honestly that whole 48 hours after Zac's birth is a total blur. Even Andrew didn't remember the details. Separation and not getting the chance to bond with your new little baby is a horrible horrible thing.
There seems to be a number of factors. Firstly very low oxygen level, hence the need for isolation in a crib. Fluid on the lungs. Very sleepy. Blood sugar monitoring - although this didn't seem to be an issue.
So will this happen again? They can't say. The midwife said that having a CS shouldn't make any difference. I guess time will tell.
Last time my whole excited family went in and out of the SCN to see my little boy that I couldn't go and see. This time I have asked that they don't come to the hospital until they have been invited and after Andrew and I have together introduced Zac to his little sister.
As you can see there really has been a stirring of emotion. The tears just seem to keep falling. Please let this time be different. I guess all I can do is hope.
2 comments:
Oh yes, yes, yes, Leesa. They MUST respect that request (your family/friends). I guess it's only with hindsight that we can say how we would have LIKED it to go down in the hours after birth. I know the trauma and agony of not being able to be near that little life you gave birth to. Ella was taken away from me too.
Let those tears fall, they are your messengers and they are doing their work. May you be surrounded by the love and comfort of knowing you and your baby girl are supported by an unseen team ;) Just trust and let her be the guide - this is her birth too. What an amazing welcome awaits her xxxxxx
Love, love, love to you. I wish I could be there to hold your hand in these coming days.
Oh Leesa. I'm crying with you. I was terrified with Minnie after an emergency c/s with Lulu where I didn't get to see her for quite a few hours either except for a quick breastfeed somewhere along the line. She wasn't returned to me until later that evening. Horrible.
But this time ... this time, you have more of an idea of the way you want things done. So (and I received this advice from the Wise one above, Mz K. ;p) listen to your bub. You will know what to do. I didn't get a lot but I got what I needed.
And although it wasn't my preferred option, a planned c/s is so much calmer (and quicker ;p). Rest up and take it easy lady.
Sending you loads of love!
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