Cluckiness
This is a very difficult subject for me but it has been on my mind all the time lately and I just have to get it off my chest.
My husband doesn’t want to have any more children.
A couple of months ago it all came to a head as I prepared to start charting again and taking my vitamins. He had changed his mind – he felt too old, like Zac was enough and no longer did he want to try and have more babies. I was, and still am, totally shattered.
It has obviously put some real strain on our relationship. I’m angry and hurt that he would take that opportunity away from me. I resent him for changing his mind and I feel lost cause I still very much would like another child and a sibling for Zac. I mean who even knows if I will be blessed with another – but gosh I want the chance to try!
A male friend suggested seduction or even condom sabotage but that wouldn’t be fair or right. I want him to want another child too.
When you want another child, babies seem to be everywhere. Everyone seems to have them. People seem to always ask when you are having another. It is depressing. Babies, babies, babies! I can’t seem to get them out of my head. Where to next? I just don’t know.
8 comments:
Lots of love to you Leesa xxxx
Oh Leesa! That's hard!
I went through this with CJ when I desperately wanted #3 and he was adamant that he didn't.
Luckily for me, he came around but, I guess it was a little different because after 2 m/c before Schmoo he wanted to try again and I didn't but I let him have his wish therefore I believed he should return the favour. LOL
Anyway, I just wanted to say I have no idea how you come to terms with it. I struggled with it when CJ initially said no. And like your husband, Cj said yes and then no and then, luckily yes again (it was war in our house when he was on the no side though).
And, like you, I just wanted the chance and didn't know if we would be blessed again so the compromise was that we would try for a year and if nothing came of it then it wasn't meant to be.
I hope you can find some peace or a compromise or ... Oh, I don't know. Something. It's such a hard one. All I can say is I really do know what you are going through and I can remember you not being sure whether you wanted a #2 so to have made the decision and then have it changed is heartbreaking.
Big hugs mate.
Completely understanding your feelings and am standing, bereft, by your side mate. You're right: he has to want to have another too and good on you for not taking that matter into your own hands (I am sure many before you have done so).
I wish things could be so different :`(
xxxx
Thank you girls. I am really teary about this today and I really appreciate your support.
Wow, I'm so sorry. I'm not sure what else to say. That just seems so hard and my heart is breaking for you. I hope that you are able to find a compromise like cjtato suggested, or at least some peace with yourself and your hubby around the issue. xxx
Oh hon. I'm just so sorry. I wish there was an answer. I can only hope with all my might that you both come to a place where that is what you want. You definately deserve the chance. Thinking of you :)
Leesa
I know that feeling, it happened to me in 2004 when I had a m/c and DH said that is it no more babies. Needless to say that I was heartbroken and made the grief worse.
The thing I did was I had a talk, a long talk to him and told him how I felt and how I longed for another baby and another child for our family. I spoke from the heart and I wanted him to understand where I was coming from. I told him I didnt want him to reply then and there, I wanted him to think about what I had said and then to talk to me after he had time to think about it.
As you know we ended up TTC #3 and after an EP, blessed with a DS - Moo.
DH had said that once he knew where I was coming from biologically and emotionally he too felt that way.
I really feel for you, it is hard place to be.
Love
Kate
My DH didn't want anymore either. After having a big talk with him about it, it turned out he was just fearful of what another big change would mean for us as a couple and and as a little family of 3. He had gotten comfortable again. He was also afraid of how I would cope with another child after having experienced PND.
Once we addressed and spoke about these things and after he had witnessed a few of our friends have number 2 and survive, he came round.
Thinking of you xxx
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